I’m back after a year, and I’m surprised I still know how to create cohesive sentences. The color in my vocabulary has gone down, but hopefully its luster will find its way back eventually.

This is me, in 2013. 

I have outgrown many things and have found a confidence and weakness in myself. Many, to say the least. 

Who I am supposed to be is coming more into perspective, and its a little scary. But when I take it a day at a time it’s not so bad. I am trying my hardest to maintain who I am as an individual. Habits and vernacular may change according to different social environments, but I wish for my core to be pure me. No matter who I surround myself with, goals and principles should never change. Maintenance is key. Sometimes I get really sad. But I’d like to think it’s because of hormonal imbalances near that time of the month. It’s nice to know, though, that I haven’t just turned into a giant glob of sad all of a sudden. Reasons, reasons. Anyways,

It’s 3am. I’m going to sleep. 

I lost myself. I lost my words. I lost it…

I’m gonna go find it.

Back on that sober grind.

Sober Study Sessions

With each session lasting a full week

At least, until Anatomy midterm is finished. 

Yennoe

I think the key to being happy in the present is believing you’ll be just fine in the end.

I was dreading it all through summer and registration, thinking of ways I could skip classes. But then I realized that this is it. After 3 years, I’ll hopefully be working as a nurse…if I sacrifice my ass for just a little bit longer.

Summer’s been good. Lots of working, sleeping in, spending money, substances…

The universe has spoiled me, and I have turned into somewhat of a summer brat.

But really, I have to get serious and pull all my shit together. I’m pretty lucky to be attending SDSU, and I haven’t really realized that.

Maybe I’ll actually be more involved around campus. I don’t know.

All I know is this;

I’m going to be getting straight A’s in all 5 of my classes, continue making bank at both jobs, complete my 100 hours of volunteering at Scripps, and maintain close & healthy relationships with my best friends, family, and boyfriend. 

Played hard this past summer, and now it’s time to work hard. 

today:

san marcos to drop of babe’s tuition, then scripps to finalize obtaining my ID badge for volunteering

TO THE BEEEEACHHHHHHHHHHHHH

kayaking with ana & marti

heheheheheheeh :D

lolitas carne asada fries.

THEN

99 ranch forrr:

4 turnip cakes, giant sesame ball

mango ice cream bars

mango ice cream jelly 

red bean mochi ice cream

BACK!

Fell asleep at 5:30, woke up 10:25pm

Went do Denny’s to meet up with everyone

2 chicken wraps.

(: My tummy :(

You know how there are girls that seem so set on what they want?

An identity.

They have identities. 

You know,

?

The ones that

Have a favorite band. And want to travel the world and take amazing pictures.

You know,

?

The ones that have a favorite kind of flower.

With pretty dresses

The flowy ones. Only in wind.

Who are so emerged in the world.

Yoga, pilates. Thrift stores.

I guess, the cafes and everything?

I dunno man.

I like food. I like to smoke. I like fat parties. 

I like pencil skirts a lot.

Sometimes I feel dependent.

I don’t know how I feel about flowers,

but I like to talk. And write. I don’t really like shopping because I hate fitting stuff.

I really love to talk about things. I like kisses on my neck a lot.

Being lifted up makes me feel awesome. 

I don’t know if I ever tried to plan my wedding out.

Sight-seeing is boring. Unless it is breath-taking.

I write so much on tumblr. I think I often go through pictures on facebook.

I check up on people. I like it when my friends are happy. I like it when Vince is happy. I like it when my parents are happy. 

I sweat when faced with a social situation new to me.

I don’t like to be alone.

I have a favorite stuffed animal. It is an elephant and I have been waiting for 4 years for someone to get me an animal that wasn’t too small or too uncomfortable.

I like dubstep too much. And piano music.

I feel as if weight is an issue sometimes.

i text with emoticons

i’m so full right now. 

I don’t think I would care about the traveling, pictures, flowy dresses, or flowers…

unless it was all done with someone i am in love with.

Thats what i think

THE MOTHER FUCKIN POUNDS JUST KEEP RUNNING INTO MY FACE LIKE A SHITLOAD OF SANDBAGS BUT INSTEAD INTO MY STOMACH AND STAYING THERE LIKE FAT.

NOT LIKE FAT IT IS FAT. PLAIN OLD FAT.

i need to go to the gym :’(

but we all know that it probably will not happen tomorrow D:

Well maybe.

It should.

Fuck.

Decisions……